Monday, September 21, 2009

eski defterden- from the old notes

.....
Senin icin olmak istedigim hic kimse degilim
Slyvia degilim, Simone De Beauvoir degilim
Dali nin Galasi,
Ludwig Beethoven' in  secret beloeved'i
Tolstoy'un Sofia'si
Degilim

Her kadin gibi biraz orospu biraz katilim
Tatli, hircin ve huysuz

Basladiginda  cinko
Simdi zumrut bir kadinim.....

...….
I am no one who I longed to become just for you
I am not Sylvia Plath, not Simone De Beauvoir
not Dali’s Gala
not L. Beethoven’s secret beloved
not Tolstoy’s Sofia
Like every women I am just a little murderer and a little harlot
Sweet, furious and mischievous
When it started, I was nickel-plated
Now, I am an emerald woman…



I found her


Ha haahaaaaaaa ( bu sana bir sey hatirlattimi.. For instance a conversation we made a while ago in Bebek park.. I told you she speaks like me ( or, me like her),  She and I seem to resemble each other closely as if I am her daughter, she looks as mad as I am....... I enjoy her so much these days. I read one poem on another then google her name to look at her beautifully funny, scarily poetic, historically old face again and again, just to get a better sensation on what I've red...


.........

Neden böyle bir 'hata' yapıyorlar peki?
Kimse benimle anlaşamıyor! Anlamıyorlar beni.
Anlaşılmak önemli mi?
Tabi ki. Başkası olsa çoktan intihar etmişti.
Neden etmediniz?
Etmem. Bende intihar edecek göz var mı? Sıkı düşünürüm ama etmem..........

from an interview with Lale Muldur...

The city



You said, "I will go to another land, I will go to another sea.
Another city shall be found better than this.
Each one of my endeavors is condemned by fate;
my heart lies buried like a corpse.
How long in this disintegration can the mind remain.
Wherever I turn my eyes, wherever I gaze,
I see here only the black ruins of my life
where I have spent so many years, and ruined and wrecked myself."

New places you shall never find, you'll not find other seas.
The city still shall follow you. You'll wander still
in the same streets, you'll roam in the same neighborhoods,
in these same houses you'll turn gray.
You'll always arrive at this same city. Don't hope for somewhere
else;
no ship for you exists, no road exists.
Just as you've ruined your life here, in this
small corner of earth, you've wrecked it now the whole world
through. 



Constantine P. Cavafy ( Kavafis)